Workin' Out

So you're a member of a gym eh? In other words, you have a handy little keychain with the logo of the health club of your choosing that you either swipe on a daily basis or hasn't been swiped since you signed up for it. From my experiences at a number of different fitness centers, I have found that there are a few facts that hold true no matter where you choose to work out.

1. Gyms are a fantastic place to check out "fashion"

There are a few different types of dressers at every workout facility. First there are the girls that clearly put more effort into planning their work out outfit than actually working out. Their clothes usually consist of Nike Shorts, v neck t-shirts, some fancy type of running shoes, and a lopsided pony tail, perhaps with a ribbon. However, depending on what part of the country you are in, you may find a different breed of these girls. These are the ones that want to trick you into thinking that you borrowed their boyfriend's cutoff t-shirt, however, these t-shirts are clearly size small, as they are tight fitting on the miniature girls that wear them. This is almost pathetic as this breed buys t-shirts that resemble those that a boy would wear in their size simply so they can cut off the sleeves. They then match the t-shirt to Soffe shorts, a sports bra, shoes, and bow of their liking. Additionally, we have the older men who are just way too into stripes, whether it be clear in their orange striped Whataburger pants or their black and white striped wrestling leotard, yes, I have observed both of these men. 

2. Gyms are a wonderful place to... text?

Yes, if only their parents knew that they were shelling out the big bucks each month so that their fourteen year old daughters could wear ridiculous athletic gear to sit around a gym and text their boyfriend of the week, I am sure that the number of health club memberships would go way down. Additionally, I am confused as to how anyone believes that you can adequately work out on the elliptical or treadmill with their fingers going a mile a minute. If you plan on going to the gym to work out your thumbs, save your money, text at home, and let the people that care about working out their bodies use the machines. 

3. It's important to read the stickers slash observe the pictures on the machines

This is vital for two reasons. The first is because if you use a machine incorrectly you run the risk of causing permanent damage to your body, thus immediately ending any dreams of ever working out again. The second is becoming that person that the people who know what they are doing at the gym go home and laugh about. These diagrams provide very idiot proof instructions for your workout experience for a reason, because the equipment company cares about your reputation. 

4. Most of the people who work out at health clubs live in homes without bathrooms

I realized this after discovering that most people spend half of their time at the gym in the locker room following their "workout" showering, dressing, drying, straightening, or curling their hair, putting on makeup, and staring at themselves in the mirror. This phenomenon leads me to believe that they funnel all of their funds into paying for their gym membership and come up short on maintaining a private bathroom because honestly who would rather do all of these private things in public?