LOTW 3/27

This week's lingo: "Typical!"

Typically the word typical isn't used on the reg. I mean, you may use it to describe your daily routine etc. in a random instance, but don't otherwise have a reason constantly use it. However, I would argue that the word typical is absolutely appropriate in most situations. Though I can't exactly explain why, I will provide you with some examples and hope that it becomes clear.

Example: You go to the hottest party of the year and end up losing your ID, additionally, you lose track of your friends, accidentally scrape your arm and realize you aren't wearing contacts so you can't really tell who anyone is. You retell the story of your epic fail of an evening to a close friend: "It was the worst night of my life, typical!"

Why this works: If your goal in telling that story was self-pity, the addition of typical will only further secure the patheticness of your evening because it implies that you have the worst night of your life on the reg and they only get worse. In short, the addition of typical in certain situations can secure all the pity you will ever need from your friends.

Example: You are on a mission to secure the necessary signatures from your evil professors to withdrawal from the hardest class you have ever taken in your life, and unfortunately this form is due today. Needless to say you are quite distracted and walking rather quickly, perhaps too quickly to notice the vast amount of concrete stairs that lay before you. In short, you wipe out on them, just missing the devastating effects of a scraped knee. You look around for any witnesses, desperately hoping that there aren't any. There was and he asks you if you are ok, you smile and say "Oh Typical!"
Why it works: This use of typical will lead your fellow conversationalists to believe that you are clumsy all the time and therefore used to wiping out in public places. They may even commend you for your ability to not become embarrassed in the most embarrassing of situations. Without your inclusion of typical they would likely be overly concerned and try to care for you when you don't have time to be cared for because in reality all you need to do is secure those signatures!

Example: You meet someone new. Within minutes of meeting they let you know about their skills with the popular IPhone game, Words With Friends and guarantee that they can beat you. You accept their challenge, "You're challenging me? Oh typical!" You proceed to beat them, not once, but multiple times. When they chat you angry things such as "I hate you!" "You scored HOW many points?" etc you can continue to respond "Typical" or some variation.
Why it works: The use of typical presents your opponent with an understated sense of confidence. You will seriously surprise them with you beat them, because they will have no idea what is coming as your original conversation only implied that you are often challenged, not often wrongly underestimated. 

Complete with Crayons

We have all been there. Going out to dinner with our family and ordering off the kids menu. No matter the type of restaurant, our choices are always the same: cheese or pepperoni pizza, chicken fingers, grilled cheese sandwich, perhaps a Mexican option. In addition we get an awesome plastic cup with a cool straw and about four sips of the only soda our parents will let us drink, Sprite and maybe some kind of fruit or dessert is included too. While we wait for our food we have the joy of participating in a variety of fun activities that range from tic-tac-toe to coloring to word scrambles to connect the dots on a creatively themed children's menu that comes with a three or four pack of crayons. These 10 years were definitely the best years of most of our lives.

Then... suddenly, we started eating the more adult choices on the big menu at the restaurant. We tried new foods at restaurants rather than sticking to the comfortable, familiar, and cheap grilled cheese and fries. When did we become so fearless? What would ever motivate us to order the alligator meat when there is the option of a cheese pizza? What if a particular dish at the restaurant you have chosen is just far too flavorful and overpowers your senses? Perhaps it will be too bland...

As a twenty year old who should have outgrown the kid's menu a decade ago, I still go through this debate on the reg. How can I try something on the menu with a fancy name that I've never tried before? I wish I had some type of thesis statement or reasoning etc. but I don't. I would consider myself a fairly adventrous person, for example I have taken a diving class, been stung by jellyfish (and therefore swam in jellyfish infested waters), participated in a SegWay tour, and nearly drown under a beaver dam. However, despite having all of these risky tasks under my belt, nothing makes me more worried, concerned, or gets my heart beating faster than trying a food I am not familiar with. Is it possible that this is just one thing that's impossible to overcome? I recently saw a video about the science behind picky eating. Apparently, some of this distaste is genetic, a matter of a negative reaction with one's taste buds. However, I wonder if perhaps there is also a fear mechanism of some sort. 

Though I do not have an answer, I continue to eat my bean and cheese tacos, cheese pizza, plain pasta, PB&J and grilled cheese, because quite frankly, I'm still so excited about those connect the dots and free crayons :)

LOTW 3/20

So as a good friend of mine recently pointed out to me, a lot of my blog entries are about hip lingo. Additionally, he questioned where I "come up" with the phrases I use, wondering if I just wake up on a weekly basis and decide to use some new phrase. The answer to this question is no. However, his questions and suggestions have inspired a new (hopefully weekly) blog entry outlining what's hip in terms of communication.

This week's lingo: "If the question is..."

Before I introduce this week's lingo, I must present you with the disclaimer that it may not necessarily be fitting or appropriate for verbal communication, but for Facebook and texting, it is ideal.

So you find yourself in a situation where you have a very straightforward thing to say to a friend. For instance, you may be wanting to say, "I'm super sunburned," or "I accidentally bought tickets to Go Tejano! day at the rodeo," or even "I'm hungry," but you find these straightforward statements just too bland for any conversation you are hoping to have. Because honestly, if you received any of these text messages, perhaps other than the second one, you may find yourself either not replying or saying something along the lines of lol or I'm sorry. 

So rather than send that typical text message, you choose to spice it up. Example: You have been at the beach all day and you are extremely sunburned, therefore you are exhausted and not in the mood to go out. You have the choice of texting your girlfriend "I am super sunburned," but you choose the alternative, "If the question is am I completely toasted, the answer is yes." Example: You drove all the way to Houston to watch your little sister ride in a horse show and the catch up with your parents and sister and new brother-in-law. Fortunately for you, Rodeo Houston is also in town. Unfortunately, your mother was in charge of buying the tickets and she bought them for the day when the Tejano band was performing. Rather than text your best friend, "I accidentally showed up to Go Tejano Day! at the Rodeo," you may choose to send "If the question is is the entire population of Mexico at the rodeo today, the answer is yes!" Example: You have been on spring break all week and are back on campus, only to find that all of the on-campus food options are still on vacation. Unfortunately, the only food in your dorm is half a roll of Ritz crackers and a tub of chocolate frosting that you can't even eat because you gave up sugar for lent. Needless to say, you are starving. When texting your friend about this dangerous situation, you have the choice of saying "I am hungry," or you may find that "If the question is am I about to eat my arm, the answer is yes!" better fits how you are feeling.

While this syntax may not always fit a situation, it is particularly useful when one is hoping to add humor or intensity to a comment. It shouldn't be used in excess but definitely when fitting for a comment in a conversation.

Check In!

So you are one of millions of iPhone users, or perhaps you use a HTC of some sort. Regardless of the smartphone you choose to use for your texting, calling, facebooking, and emailing needs, it's absolutely vital that you install just one more app on your phone. This app is called foursquare. I know that the Facebook application recently added a feature of "checking in" when you are out and about. This allows you to tell your friends when you are at Chipotle, the gym, or if you are twelve and absolutely stupid, you check in at your own house so that the whole internet knows exactly where you live. Foursquare is definitely a derivative of this idea, however it's completely different. The application works by allowing one to check in at different places in a similar manner but goes a few steps further and keeps the childlike jankiness out. I honestly cannot tell you the purpose. However, I can share with you the benefits of becoming an avid Foursquarer.

1. Chances are, if you have a smart phone you are probably addicted to it. You are constantly checking your email, texting, looking at facebook etc. So why not add the "task" of checking in everywhere you go to your smartphone habits?!

2. You can become friends with your cronies on Foursquare. Not only are you friends with them on Facebook and Twitter, but now you are Foursquare friends, honestly, how could you possibly feel more connected?!

3. You have the opportunity to leave "tips" for your friends when you check in at various locations. For example, if you believe that a particular stall in the bathroom of the building you are in is the nicest, you are welcome to share it. Likewise, you can provide advice for people at restaurants along the lines of what to order, etc. You are virtually solving the problem of knowledge withholding.

4. By checking in every time you move you can earn a variety of badges. My only beef with this is that Foursquare doesn't tell you how to earn the badges before you earn them so you can't really create a strategy, you just have to be obsessive and get lucky. But honestly, how hard is that?!

5. You have the chance to earn mayorships of locations. I have no idea why Foursquare sees this as important, but it becomes super competitive and entices one to go to locations they don't even need to be at, just so they can check in and earn mayorships. Furthermore, it gives friends a sense of friendly competition and compels them to use this awesome application even more :)

6. Depending on where you check in, you can earn deals with different companies. Like a coupon of sorts. It pays to be addicted to your phone.

Long story short, this is the most pointless application, maybe second the the Facebook Farmville craze of 2009. Though I will continue to struggle with my Foursquare addiction, I caution one who is considering downloading this bizarre free app.

ROCK ON TUPD!

Though I have never written anything specific to my college campus, I feel that in this case it would be an injustice not to address a serious issue that has been sweeping my university as of lately. Parking tickets issued by TUPD have been sprinkling cars as if we drove ice cream sundaes. Rather than pursuing dignified police work such as solving crime, righting wrongs, and overall reversing injustices, this group creates them. There are two groups within the system, those that ride their bikes in their blue tops all day with their little clipboards of doom writing up innocent, broke college students who couldn't help but park with one tire two inches over the line because the moron next to them is taking up half of two parking spots. The other group however, sits in the big house they call their "office" all day with the goal of coming up with additional ways to force students into tough parking situations so they can catch 'em. Their most overused way of doing this is by inviting groups from the greater San Antonio area to host events, generally for children, at Laurie auditorium or other venues on campus. The night before these events happen, they send out a mass email to the student body notifying them of "parking difficulties due to the visitors to our campus." However, no student in their right mind would take the time to read these emails as their T-Mail account is already blowing up like their cell phones so they are completely unaware of the parking difficulties. TUPD knows this! The day of the event they station dozens of their minions around the parking lots in question armed with pads and pens ready to right up every student who parks in visitor spots, faculty spots, incorrectly in a student spot, or perhaps makes their own spot in order to simply make it to their class on time. After all, getting a college education is about making room in the parking lot for five year old children to listen to a concert, not about academics. Because students were catching on to this common plan, TUPD created a new event, one under the disguise of Spring Break and Alcohol Safety to bring innocent, starving students to their $20 demise. Hosting a concert and free merchandise give-away in Mabee dining hall during the peak of the dinner hours, they were well aware that students would be in desperate need for parking spots, and quick so they wouldn't miss all of the excitement. They knew the students who couldn't find a parking spot near the dining hall would park on "Mabee Dr." with their hazard lights on, as is the norm. Thus, they posted one of their own in the bushes, stalking the vehicles until enough were out there for the squad to write up at least 20 cars whose drivers were unknowingly enjoying the entertainment put on by the force itself inside. This group claims that "The Mission of the Trinity University Police Department is to work with the highest integrity in partnership with our campus community to enhance quality of life by providing exemplary police service for all in a Proactive, Progressive, and Professional manner." They are correct, they proactively trap students in compromising parking situations while progressively coming up with new ways to do so and finally professionally deny any accusations. Rock On, TUPD, I commend you for exemplifying for the student body what it looks like to live up to your standards!

Dolphins

The population of the San Diego metro area is 3,053,793, the San Antonio metro area is 2,142,508, and finally, the Orlando metro area is 2,082,628. These three cities are home to 7,278,929 folks. Additionally, San Diego boasts 30 million visitors a year, San Antonio hosts 20 million, and Orlando has close to 50 million visitors a year. All in all, the three cities are the location of some 107,278,929 people on an annual basis. Now you may be asking yourself, what on earth does this matter? Why these three cities? Who cares? Well if you are one of those millions of people, chances are you have been to Sea World. Sea World is an ocean theme park with a variety of shows featuring dolphins, orca wales, sea lions, and other animals in addition to roller coasters, water rides, and other attractions. Every child that visits the park is destined to dream of becoming one of those awesome dolphin trainers whose job it is to swim with dolphins and feed them fish while thousands of people cheer them on. Because they realize that they are only 8 and this goal isn't in their immediate reach, they beg their mother, father, or grandparents to take them to the gift shop to find something to dull the pain of this loss. Oh what's that they have found? An inflatable dolphin toy for the pool? Something they can practice their training with until they are old enough to earn their degrees in marine biology? How convenient. 

Though the child clearly tried to unpack the dolphin on their way back to the hotel or house in the car, they soon realize that it is just too large for the car in its inflated form so they give up and wait until they arrive. However, as soon as they are there, there is no doubt that the dolphin is full of air and ready for the pool. Though your Sea World adventure ended in the late afternoon, say around 4 p.m. and you therefore didn't arrive back until perhaps 5 p.m. this eager little kid will no doubt be training that dolphin well into the night. In fact, if they have a sibling or willing parent, they will definitely be trained as well. 

As the years pass and the family ends their annual trips to Sea World, the child may lose their desire to be a dolphin trainer. They may realize that a difficult science degree is required for this exciting swimming job. Regardless, their wonder, amazement, and love for dolphins will never leave them. In a few years time, their family will choose a new vacay spot, perhaps a Phoenix golf trip, or maybe a trip to Miami, Florida. When they realize that they will be so close to the ocean, the home of these beautiful creatures the grown child will beg their parents to work it out for the family to swim with dolphins, because this may be their only chance to do so. The experience will without a doubt be the best experience of their life.

Though that 8 year old is now 20, this swimming with the dolphins experience has definitely changed their life, it was more than they could've imagined. Now, they can't stop thinking about dolphins. They will surely resort back to their old ways of training and playing dolphin games in the pool any chance they get, despite the looks they will get from their peers. When the summer is over and the pools are closed, they will desperately search for other means to relive their dolphin experience. Perhaps they will buy a dolphin pillow pet, or a dolphin body pillow, a shower curtain to be used as a wall mural, or a variety of other products. Additionally, there is no doubt that they will print out dolphin coloring pages from the internet and color them with crayons they stole from the local Applebee's in between their Finance and Literature classes at their university of choice. 

 SOML

When I Was Your Age

We've all been there, that all too familiar gathering with our grandparents, aunts and uncles, or perhaps your parents coworkers. In fact, you may have even had this experience with your own parents. The frequency with which we hear the phrase, "When I was your age..." nearly haunts us when we look back on the details of these conversations, as we question wether these adults even enjoy A. the world as it is now and B. their lives as they are now. We all swear to ourselves that no matter what those words will never pass our lips.

However, I for one can say that as a twenty year old, they have already passed mine. There are two varieties of conversations that young people participate in where we sound just as ridiculous as these people we set out not to be. The first is when we reflect on the glory days. By glory days I am referring to elementary, middle, and high school when our days were filled with swing sets, school dances, Ferbies, Giga Pets, Disney princess movies, riding our bikes, etc. Every time we recollect on how awesome those days were as opposed to our papers, etc of the here and now, we might as well be those old folks. Don't get me wrong, there is probably nothing I love more than pulling out the middle school yearbooks and discussing with my best friend for hours upon hours how great being twelve years old was, but how is it fair for us to judge to old folks for telling us their memories when we love to recollect on ours. The second conversation occurs every time we discuss with younger children about how much things have changed, or tell them not to complain about how bad their cell phones are because we didn't have them at their age, or how we had to read so much more in elementary school then they did because they are using the computers more often. In these chats we are basically saying, "When I was your age I had to walk to school in the snow, uphill both ways," which is exactly what we hate to hear when we are trying to prove a point to our parents about how difficult our life is.

The next time you are in one of those situations you find obnoxious or annoying because perhaps what the older person is telling you might not quite apply to your situation or might just be uninteresting, try to engage yourself in the conversation because we can definitely learn from those who have come before us. The circle of life is unavoidable, we are already seeing it in our interactions with our younger siblings, our conceptions about the next generation, and in our reactions to such icons as Justin Bieber and Hannah Montana so it's best to embrace the inevitability.