joseph? you mean bulldozer

i hope all of you have been blessed enough to be called something other than the long, traditional, possibly boring name that your parents gave you (don't worry mom, i love my name!). and no i am not talking going by joe when your name is joseph. your parents probably call you joe, ya? i am talking when your name is alexandra and your girlfriend calls you burrito or something like that. basically it's super important to have these names or how do you know that you have friends. like if everyone calls you fredrick you clearly haven't had any bonding moments with anyone, or maybe you just don't laugh. nicknames are like facebook friends, you don't want only your mom to be your friend ya? basically the more you have the cooler you are.

on the other hand, while it is important to have many nicknames, naming people is just as exciting. i mean it is better to give than to recieve. so i have prepared some guidelines for naming the people you hang out with, or rather some ideas.
1. the animal that they look like, except that would just be a sloth, so if you have a friend that maybe is slow, sloth is a solid name
2. if their name sounds like a phrase you should just call them that phrase. like if their name is paul night you could call them all night. this one is very annoying because if it's a phrase that you use on a regular basis they might get annoyed because they don't know if you are referring to them or the phrase. overall i believe it is worth it to confuse them.
3. you could also use the method that i call "6 degrees of separation." this can be complicated so please pay attention. so your friend is named thomas, so naturally you call them tom. but then you are into the double name so you move to tom tom and then to initials, so that makes t.t. and then teets. because that is what everyone wants to be called.
4. or you could say their name with a lisp, this is solid. like sam is tham.
5. maybe you could call them by the randomest thing ever and justify it. like crayon for katrina.

also, nicknames are important for determining who your real friends and your wanna be friends are. i mean if someone calls you crayon and they only know about that because they heard your best friend calling you that, they are clearly a wanna be.

i really hope this is helpful in your life.