oh ledy thyme fhor the rhusshan

svetlana khorkina

ok well ledy his prhitty shoor thet thuh vest majhoritee hof peephel har whanteeng to hev iccent. (ok well i am pretty sure that the vast majority of people want to have an accent). accents allow for a sense of exoticism in a person's personality. however, i am also aware that the vast majority of us don't have an accent, or if we do, it is something very common and boring. however, fortunately for all of us who don't have a natural accent, they are in some cases, fairly easy to reproduce. that is why i have created this easy guide to develop an accent and thus fulfill your dreams

1. you need to pick an accent you desire to have. keep in mind that the accent you use could trick people into thinking that you are actually from the location of origin. this is important because you need to gain knowledge of at least some aspect of that culture and you don't want to pick a place that is chastised for any reason because then you are just causing unnecessary problems for yourself. i suggest choosing an accent from a country that is very athletic for reasons i will explain.

2. now that you have picked your desired accent it is time to start studying. i believe the best way to learn an accent is to make sure your country is well represented in either the winter or summer olympic games.  first you will need to look at the olympic viewing schedule (i hope you are pursuing this during an olympic year) and set up as many vcrs/dvrs as possible to record any bio segment on an athlete for your desired country. for instance, if you are going after that russian accent, svetlana khorkina is a solid choice. once you have an arsenal of footage it is time to start watching these emotional and inspirational shorts over and over and over again until not only can you recite them by memory, but hopefully you have started thinking and speaking in the accent to the point where you can't even remember what your old voice or thoughts sounded like

3. now that you have the accent down, it is important that you create a believable story to tell. for example, if you are speaking in a russian voice no one is going to believe you if you are telling a story about living in south texas and working at a taqueria restaurant. they would however, believe a story about your involvement in gymnastics as a way to support your family and stay off the streets.

note: it is important not to use your accents in places where there is someone who is actually from the place of your accent's origin. this could result in two ways: first, they might seek a friendship with you based on your mutual background, something of which you do not have. or, they might be terribly offended. both of these situations can be extremely awkward and avoided if you posses the necessary accent street smarts.